Mid second Sydney COVID lockdowns, I hit rock bottom depression. I recognise that place now. It’s not as terrifying as the first time I found myself there.
There is always the regret though. Why did I allow myself back here? I know it’s such an incredibly difficult vault to escape.
At least now I know my path out of the maze. Kinda.
It’s rough terrain. It took will power from beyond me. But I made it.
Back to basics:
- Excercise every morning 6.30 or 7am no excuses. Stop eating chocolate (again).
- Nourish my temple with real fresh foods; If it didn’t exist 100 years ago, don’t eat it.
- Create a garden.
- This was my very basic but oh so effective steps for stepping back into my body, out of the darkness of my mind. This was 4 weeks before the end of lockdown, so a solid 4 months of diligently excercising, eating and spending time in the sun with my hands in the earth gardening.
- This was my very basic but oh so effective steps for stepping back into my body, out of the darkness of my mind. This was 4 weeks before the end of lockdown, so a solid 4 months of diligently excercising, eating and spending time in the sun with my hands in the earth gardening.
When we were finally set free, I emerged a butterfly. A smokin hot one too! I was ALIVE. I had muscles I’ve never seen before and honestly felt incredibly.
Before long though, Christmas and holiday time was here. I adored time with family and friends, don’t get me wrong. That initial joy of no routine and time with people I love – bliss.
Then, a few too many late nights, drinking alcohol and overeating made me feel rubbish. Not just rubbish, but pain. I have a sensitive little tummy, which is why I don’t usually drink, but I do love to join in over the festive season. But the pain! Omg so not worth it!
To try to fix the pain in my stomach from drinking and overeating, I did more drinking and overeating! (Side note it doesn’t work)
I still had a fabulous holiday, don’t get me wrong, but my vibrancy was fading.
Mid holiday, I got COVID19. Locked down again!
I had a mild case for which I was grateful, but it was still a shitty experience. I slept through most of it – and consumed exhuburant amounts of Netflix.
The first day I tested negative, I went to the beach …. and pretty much hated every moment of it! I didn’t realise til my feet hit the sand, that I had ZERO energy to be there!
The aftermath of Covid seemed to linger like a bad smell. I felt like my personality had dissolved. I was a walking shell. Allowed to be back in the world and return to work, but with no drive and vacant eyes.
Knowing others experience the so called ‘Covid haze’ of lethargy and brain fog, was encouraging. ‘It’s just part of the process. Be patient’ I told myself.
Action plan time again:
- Try to be patient.
- Get bacj to regular routine (as above)
- Strict bedtime adn a nap everu day.
- More gardening.
I’m ridiculously thrilled to say I’m a butterfly again!
Each morning I take my coffee outside, plant my feet on the Earth and give so much thanks that I feel alive again!
I am in love with my garden. I am in love with my family. I am in love with my life.
I honestly can’t remember a time when I felt this grateful just to be alive. I LOVE IT.
And the best bit is, it’s all me. I did this. I deserve this. I am joy because I know pain.
The rollercoaster of life will always be. Nothing is permanent.
Consistency and hard work pays off. It just does! If you want it, really want it, you can have it…… but you gotta work for it, prove how much you want it. There will always be set backs. You are worth more than to let them trick you into giving up.
The world NEEDS your light.
The world is loving mine.
Sophie 2022